I have come to discover that blogs are best written
as they come to mind, planning and thinking of what to write will most likely
lead to a blog post that never was. I have a couple of other drafts I have been
meaning to finish for several weeks. So today, I am composing this blog on a
whim, and I would like to venture into the abyss that is adulthood. You see
this thought came to me at a completely random time (as these thoughts often
do) shortly after basking in the stimulating performances of last
night's Dancing With the Stars finals. As I watched Shawn Johnson's Cirque
du Soleil type of a performance that will most likely win her the trophy I
found myself shouting profanity at the television that would make a rapper
blush. So I thought to myself, "seriously Silvanna, that is how you
express joy by spewing profanity?" those were the actual thoughts that
crossed my mind. I remember a time when I would say, "profanity dirties my
mouth, and I don't want a dirty mouth", yes, these are true words. I am
capable of expressing joy, and approval as an educated adult; nevertheless, I
seem to be plagued with blusterous moments of sauciness. So, this led to me
think about adulthood and the upheaval that occurs as we venture into the stage
that will be with us for the duration of our lives.
I thought about innocence and those small things
that were much more appreciated in our childhood phase. As children, we
were able to find pleasure in a ball, a lollypop, secretly wearing our mother's
heels, or in my case listening to my father's vinyl. We found joy in playing
hide and seek, soccer, making castles out of bed sheets, and spending late
summer hours outside. As adults, we become jaded, angry, mean, ungrateful, and
unappreciative of the things that really matter. In adulthood, we experience
road rage, frustration at the parking space thief, the guy who attempted to cut
in line at the coffee shop, or the parent who failed to 'control' their child's
tantrum at the super market. I realize that not all adults fall into the
'jaded category' and perhaps I am painting a picture of my self while cleverly
generalizing all adults to avoid bruising my own ego. Nevertheless, I admit to
have participated in an embarrassing fit of emotions similar to those mentioned
above. Even though I do love this prestigious age of 33, I do long for the
innocent moments of childhood, and vow to bring back a little bit of that
precious time in my life. I plan on achieving this by nixing those meaningless
frustrations and taking the time to appreciate the small gestures that still
find their way in to my life. Today, I am thankful that chivalry still
exists because a few weeks ago a man offered to carry my groceries,
another stepped out of the metro simply to wait while some of us 'jaded'
ladies stepped off, and another noteworthy action I enjoy is that my husband
still opens car doors for me. I am grateful that these small gestures still
find their way into my life. I vow to become more aware of those little
displays of kindness as they continue to bring an unconscious smile and sense
of awareness in my consciousness; they are the closest I will be to my
childhood innocence. This probably does not make any sense as it is a jumbled
mess of thoughts spewed out in text but I am ok with that.
